“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools (speak) because they have to say something.” – Plato
This is an important quote for me personally. I need to improve my listening skills. I so often have something to say. Often I am the person that I cannot stand in situations of communication but I don’t realize it until I am reflecting on the experience after the fact.
It comes from a lack of peace or confidence in myself. A lack of peace and oneness with ourselves can cause so many trials for us. In the past month, situations have been placed in my path that have reminded me that it is time to face this next challenge of learning how to listen.
Group Training: The Annoying ‘Know it All’
I have several years of leadership and management experience. And I was definitely one of the more seasoned managers at this training. I focused and tried so hard to stay silent and to listen. But in the second half of the class, I fear I spoke too much and listened less.
Unfortunately, I think I was that guy that dominates the class, and everyone wants them to just shut-up towards the end. Maybe I am being a bit too hard on myself, but I do think that I limited what could have been shared by the trainer and I stood in the way of what could have been fully gained by the class participants.
If nothing else, and if I am to be completely honest, I think it comes from me still feeling like I am less than so many others and still needing to prove myself. My addiction and homelessness, my regrets of not getting a 4-year degree, make me feel small compared to others. Or I feel like I have to make up for all that I didn’t do and all the time I wasted. On the surface I know I am enough, but those conditioned fears so deeply planted, prove difficult to overcome no matter how false those fears may be.
Case Management: Listening to Clients
Currently, I am a Program Manager for shelters. We work with the most vulnerable and homeless in our community. It is a work that is fulfilling but with immense challenges. The systems in our nation are broken or disconnected and the people we serve come with immense mental health, trauma, addiction, victimization, and abuse.
With so much work to be had, and an overwhelming number to serve, me and my shelter staff are taking on the additional work to help case manage the clients in shelter. Thankfully, a friend and colleague said something helpful. She said to quit focusing on immediately achieving the end goal of housing. For many, they are not ready to even consider housing; in fact they have been out there for so long that they might even be terrified of it. They don’t trust society and its constructs. But most importantly, they don’t trust themselves.
She said to start small. Let them rant even if it doesn’t make sense. Let them feel heard and take notes. Don’t go for the big win and write off the rest because they are all wins, big or small. If someone uses, encourage them to use less. If they just want Food stamps, get if for them. Let them lead the journey. Build up their trust by helping them get the small trivial things that may not mean much to you, but a great deal to them.
The next things you know, they trust you. And that is huge because they haven’t trusted anyone in a long time. But all of a sudden, they trust people again. Then maybe they trust society and engage with life again. And then they learn to respect themselves and maybe, just maybe, overtime they gain housing, employment, and become self-sufficient in a real and meaningful way.
Manager as Coach: Respecting and Engaging Employees by Listening
As a manager of shelters, I am constantly faced with trying to meet our clients where they are at, and meeting my staffs needs at the same time. It is challenging as I am constantly straddling the line in a world of fluctuating tones of gray.
I confess, that I am still in the habit of taking these complex problems on alone. My staff have a lot of good ideas and I risk missing out on what they can bring to the table if I don’t listen.
They deserve a place at the table when we create programs for shelter. This is their shelter and place of work just as much as it is mine. I don’t have to have the answers. As a manager and coach, my job is to listen, facilitate, and make space for my team members to shine and bring their own talents to the work place. All they are waiting on is for me to extend the invitation.
Career Coach In Training: Listening as an Important Helping Skill
I have earned a certificate in Career and Life Planning from Cal State Chico. And if I choose to, I could now test to become a certified Career Service Provider with the NCDA.
However, I am nervous about this because I always think that I have to have the answers. I am beginning to understand that it is not about giving direction. Instead, it is about facilitating and making space for one’s own self-discovery.
The client is in charge of their journey. As counterintuitive as it may seem, the coach and facilitator must step back and let the client take the reins. This is about their values, priorities, and goals. There is an infinite number of paths through this life. Each path is no less wrong or right then the other.
My job is to listen. So much can be learned if I just listen. They are the experts of their own lives. And by listening, maybe, just maybe I can learn a thing or to from what they have to say.
Thanks for Reading. Sincerely, Kurt Petersen
https://www.ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sd/news_article/112284/_PARENT/CC_layout_details/false
https://www.ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sd/news_article/5231/_PARENT/CC_layout_details/false
Your Personal Story Can Fuel Your Life’s Work – NewLifeCareer
Journeys in Mental Health – NewLifeCareer %